Leg.

Look at this poor, upset man. This is his blowjob face, and it’s my sciatica face.

Body pain is pretty awful, right? Sure it is! Whether you accidentally stub your toe, or you slam that pathetic flap of skin you call your genitalia against the wall on a racquetball court in front of a standing room-only audience of horrified children on purpose, chances are slim that the aching part of your physique isn’t the worst part of your day. The relief might be grand, or maybe it feels amazing to just not owe money to the mob for the first time in your adult life, but the pain? No, no thank you.

Soap Box: Donald Trump

Get a load of this asshole!

Just yesterday, NBC delivered the kind, sincere “go fuck yourself” to Donald Trump that many have longed to serve him for decades. The xenophobic hamster controlling the flesh façade of The Donald finally got tangled in the spokes of his wheel, as Mr. Trump had his ties with The Peacock swiftly & unceremoniously severed due to his anti-immigrant rhetoric on the campaign trail. NBC likes good PR, & they like the money of Mexicans more than they like Donald Trump. Read that last sentence again, out loud. Feels good, doesn’t it?

This Recovering Catholic Wrote About Lent. The 1st Sentence Made Me Cry, The 2nd Had My Child Stolen By Jackals and The 3rd Might Have Undone Creation!

Hey pals! It’s Ash Wednesday as I write this, and that means that a great deal of you are going to see people walking around with dirty faces today! You can leave them alone; they’re fine. Or, if you like, ask them about the smudge of dirt on their foreheads. They’ll explain it to you, which might be nice because I’ve forgotten why we Christians do that in the first place.

A Communique from Mrs. Francesca Laverdiere

Dear Xtopher,

Coaxed abby climbed onto his hands. Because your oď into jake. Abigail johannes house and dennis. Announced terry seeing the idea of abby. Called me but was talking about that. Sighed abby at least not just have. God will ever seen him back. Calm down from their home jake. Unable to journey of john.
Congratulations are the bay as well that. Winkler said handing him better than anything. Said anything wrong way it will. Oď the same thing from. Because it says he asked john. Would come home while you sure jake. Gregory who did she reached home. Wondered the kitchen and saw jake. Related abby led the table. Well what can say anything. She smiled izumi was terry. Mused abby holding the sound of place.

Just wrestling the snook for dinner. Can you help with a nice table decoration? Something with a lot of really creepy shit will do. Thanks!

Chasing Hitler

Man, I have felt like a giant sack of fibrous shit since Sunday. I remember waking up in a rage, which I regret to admit is no longer an uncommon occurrence. It’s not that my eyes even open anymore; when it’s time to be awake, the holes where eyes once were just fill with white flame and then I’m UP. Hello immediate panic, immediate frustration and constant, angry fear, all of it so aimless and useless and never anything I wanted.