Category Archives: The Complexity of Simple Lives

Leg.

Look at this poor, upset man. This is his blowjob face, and it's my sciatica face.

Look at this poor, upset man. This is his blowjob face, and it’s my sciatica face.

Body pain is pretty awful, right? Sure it is! Whether you accidentally stub your toe, or you slam that pathetic flap of skin you call your genitalia against the wall on a racquetball court in front of a standing room-only audience of horrified children on purpose, chances are slim that the aching part of your physique isn’t the worst part of your day. The relief might be grand, or maybe it feels amazing to just not owe money to the mob for the first time in your adult life, but the pain? No, no thank you. Read the rest of this entry

This Recovering Catholic Wrote About Lent. The 1st Sentence Made Me Cry, The 2nd Had My Child Stolen By Jackals and The 3rd Might Have Undone Creation!

Hey pals! It’s Ash Wednesday as I write this, and that means that a great deal of you are going to see people walking around with dirty faces today! You can leave them alone; they’re fine. Or, if you like, ask them about the smudge of dirt on their foreheads. They’ll explain it to you, which might be nice because I’ve forgotten why we Christians do that in the first place. Read the rest of this entry

Chasing Hitler

Man, I have felt like a giant sack of fibrous shit since Sunday. I remember waking up in a rage, which I regret to admit is no longer an uncommon occurrence. It’s not that my eyes even open anymore; when it’s time to be awake, the holes where eyes once were just fill with white flame and then I’m UP. Hello immediate panic, immediate frustration and constant, angry fear, all of it so aimless and useless and never anything I wanted. Read the rest of this entry

Just One of the Many Times I’ve Ruined Something With My Ass

I’ll get into a lot of these stories later, maybe, but it seems that I’m building a rather large backlog of stories in my life where feces is the central antagonist, and the antagonist wins in a decisive manner. Keeping it short, the past is full of tales like “August 8, 2002,” “Really? The Walls?” and “I Ruined The Couch,” but one of the Hall of Famer times that my ass destroyed a situation happened in early April of 2008. Read the rest of this entry

The Sweet Spot: The Golden Age of The Thumbnail Gallery

Thumbzilla

“Oh, what big eyes you have!” “The better to stare at pixelated boobs, my dear!”

The future can be a terrifying place, especially when you’re on the bleeding edge of the present, watching shreds of now disappear on the front end, into the chaotic abyss of tomorrow. And maybe the past is no better; cling to yesterday and watch it disappear through your fingers…tighten your grip, and lose even more of this life you’re living to the ghosts dragging it home to sleep that cold slumber with them. Read the rest of this entry