Leg.

Look at this poor, upset man. This is his blowjob face, and it's my sciatica face.
Look at this poor, upset man. This is his blowjob face, and it’s my sciatica face.

Body pain is pretty awful, right? Sure it is! Whether you accidentally stub your toe, or you slam that pathetic flap of skin you call your genitalia against the wall on a racquetball court in front of a standing room-only audience of horrified children on purpose, chances are slim that the aching part of your physique isn’t the worst part of your day. The relief might be grand, or maybe it feels amazing to just not owe money to the mob for the first time in your adult life, but the pain? No, no thank you. Continue reading “Leg.”

A Communique from Mrs. Francesca Laverdiere

Dear Xtopher,

Coaxed abby climbed onto his hands. Because your oď into jake. Abigail johannes house and dennis. Announced terry seeing the idea of abby. Called me but was talking about that. Sighed abby at least not just have. God will ever seen him back. Calm down from their home jake. Unable to journey of john.
Congratulations are the bay as well that. Winkler said handing him better than anything. Said anything wrong way it will. Oď the same thing from. Because it says he asked john. Would come home while you sure jake. Gregory who did she reached home. Wondered the kitchen and saw jake. Related abby led the table. Well what can say anything. She smiled izumi was terry. Mused abby holding the sound of place.

Just wrestling the snook for dinner. Can you help with a nice table decoration? Something with a lot of really creepy shit will do. Thanks!
Just wrestling the snook for dinner. Can you help with a nice table decoration? Something with a lot of really creepy shit will do. Thanks!

Continue reading “A Communique from Mrs. Francesca Laverdiere”

A Part Apart

I feel like I never graduated high school. I screwed around throughout my high school tenure and ended up 1/2 a credit short in Algebra II, which I had to knock off in summer school, and then there was to be a summer school graduation ceremony for we future leaders of America. No, thank you; I had an appointment in New Hampshire for falling flat on my face in love, and you don’t show up late for those. No matter how much you wish you had, somehow you will never show up late for those.

I don't remember this at all.
I don’t remember this at all.

Continue reading “A Part Apart”

I Live For The Intrigue

Shown here: the entrance to the office where the folks taking care of my inheritance work. This was Employee Appreciation Day.
Shown here: the entrance to the office where the folks taking care of my inheritance work. This was Employee Appreciation Day.

ROOLY SECURITY AGENCY
23 HERBERT MARCULARY AVENUE
WUSE 2 GARKI ABUJA
FEDERAL CAPITAL TERRITORY

My name is Andrew Louis, the Senior Directing officer of one of the many branches Rooly Security Agency. I am writing you concerning a situation which has come to my notice and i would like a confirmation from you before i proceed with my actions.

A consignment box containing a very huge amount of Fund about $15Million USD was brought here to be kept in custody by one Delegate Anderson Curtis who was assigned to Africa to handle issues involving foreign Beneficiaries being ripped each time they try to make a claim on their inheritance .This was done some months ago which the Agent stressed that the consignment belongs to you. Continue reading “I Live For The Intrigue”

A Split-Second Nightmare of Diversity Training (Corporate America, Round 2)

It always starts in the last place you'd think.
It always starts in the last place you’d think.

If only we’d known how it would change us, maybe we could have done something to stop it. Continue reading “A Split-Second Nightmare of Diversity Training (Corporate America, Round 2)”

Is it safe yet for a Paula Deen post?

What the fuck are we talking about here? This looks like one of the two shits Nippy took during Problem Child 2. And people eat this. Happily.
What the fuck are we talking about here? This looks like one of the two shits Nippy took during Problem Child 2. And people eat this. Happily.

I’d actually considered writing this, or something like this, probably 2 weeks ago, which I figured was enough time to avoid chasing the top story and possibly a time to reflect on what her whole fiasco means to me. Because “trust me,” it means a whole lot. Continue reading “Is it safe yet for a Paula Deen post?”

When did Matt Hardy become the best pro wrestler in the country?

I've seen men with this exact physique take women home with them. Women about whom I dreamed. Guys with this exact physique probably fingerbanged women...that I likely wanted to fingerbang. High School, why can't I get over you?!?
I’ve seen men with this exact physique take women home with them. Women about whom I dreamed. Guys with this exact physique probably fingerbanged women…that I likely wanted to fingerbang. High School, why can’t I get over you?!?

All right, before we get all crazy here, that’s definitely some hyperbole in action in that title above. Continue reading “When did Matt Hardy become the best pro wrestler in the country?”