I Live For The Intrigue

Shown here: the entrance to the office where the folks taking care of my inheritance work. This was Employee Appreciation Day.
Shown here: the entrance to the office where the folks taking care of my inheritance work. This was Employee Appreciation Day.

ROOLY SECURITY AGENCY
23 HERBERT MARCULARY AVENUE
WUSE 2 GARKI ABUJA
FEDERAL CAPITAL TERRITORY

My name is Andrew Louis, the Senior Directing officer of one of the many branches Rooly Security Agency. I am writing you concerning a situation which has come to my notice and i would like a confirmation from you before i proceed with my actions.

A consignment box containing a very huge amount of Fund about $15Million USD was brought here to be kept in custody by one Delegate Anderson Curtis who was assigned to Africa to handle issues involving foreign Beneficiaries being ripped each time they try to make a claim on their inheritance .This was done some months ago which the Agent stressed that the consignment belongs to you. Continue reading “I Live For The Intrigue”

Coca-Cola, You Disturb Me

“The Coca-Cola Co, said in a statement, ‘We are very gratified that Magistrate Judge Levy recommended denying class certification as to all monetary damages claims alleged by plaintiffs. We firmly believe the plaintiffs’ claims are without merit and will ultimately be rejected. Vitaminwater is a great tasting, hydrating beverage with essential vitamins and water–and labels clearly showing ingredients and calorie content.'”

Is it just me, or does that quote make you inexplicably angry? Continue reading “Coca-Cola, You Disturb Me”

Dear, Sweet Fact vs. Fiction (Corporate America, Round 2)

For the record, this is not where today's events transpired. And before you think, "oh holy shit, it would be so cool to work there!," let me inform you that their elevators have been busted since the beginning of the Great Recession, and they've only been using offices from the 30th floor up since they sent half of the jobs to Mumbai in 2010.
For the record, this is not where today’s events transpired. And before you think, “oh holy shit, it would be so cool to work there!,” let me inform you that their elevators have been busted since the beginning of the Great Recession, and they’ve only been using offices from the 30th floor up since they sent half of the jobs to Mumbai in 2010.

OK, so here’s the deal with this entry: I had a company-wide “town hall” meeting today at my job, where the highest of the upper management stopped by our quaint little hamlet to talk to the serfs & plebeians about how the company’s doing. Honestly, there isn’t a whole lot to tell about these things, though my experience at this event was probably a bit more exciting than a great many others who suffered a similar fate of being stuck at this thing with no personal time available to skip out on today and go get shitfaced at the bar adjacent to the movie theater in which this event was held.

So when the few in the office who didn’t attend asked about how the meeting went, I had the option to either go over the meeting minutes -or- lie my ass off. I chose the latter. What’s going to follow here are both versions of the events that transpired. You choose the one you like best.

2 blogs for the price of none! Enjoy! Continue reading “Dear, Sweet Fact vs. Fiction (Corporate America, Round 2)”

A Split-Second Nightmare of Diversity Training (Corporate America, Round 2)

It always starts in the last place you'd think.
It always starts in the last place you’d think.

If only we’d known how it would change us, maybe we could have done something to stop it. Continue reading “A Split-Second Nightmare of Diversity Training (Corporate America, Round 2)”

Talking Out Yo’ Ass (Corporate America, Round 2)

Remember, Human Resources is not "resources for humans," but rather "humans as a resource." On to the story!
Remember, Human Resources is not “resources for humans,” but rather “humans as a resource.” On to the story!

For those who aren’t personally close to me, I took up a job working for a major corporation again about a week ago. There were lots of factors that led to that decision, most of them having to do with having the money to afford that sweet “American with health insurance that works” lifestyle, but the simple reason for it is that freelance pays when it wants to, and in my experience that timeframe is between “rarely” and “never.” I have a bunch of tales to tell from those strictly-freelance days, and am excited to eventually get to them, but this feature is something I want to get to first because it’s quick and immediate. Continue reading “Talking Out Yo’ Ass (Corporate America, Round 2)”

Origin & 1st: Wolfgang

Wolfie2
Ladies and gentlemen, the subject of the evening.

…And then one day, this cat was just sitting out there. He was a frail, skinny guy with a head far too big for his long, bony body. When a cat’s so thin that his bones are visible despite his long fur, you can tell he’s possibly a cat model, maybe has feline AIDS, or just might have escaped from a cat concentration camp. With no striped, cat-sized pajamas around, let’s breathe easy and be sure that the cat concentration camp doesn’t exist. Continue reading “Origin & 1st: Wolfgang”

Is it safe yet for a Paula Deen post?

What the fuck are we talking about here? This looks like one of the two shits Nippy took during Problem Child 2. And people eat this. Happily.
What the fuck are we talking about here? This looks like one of the two shits Nippy took during Problem Child 2. And people eat this. Happily.

I’d actually considered writing this, or something like this, probably 2 weeks ago, which I figured was enough time to avoid chasing the top story and possibly a time to reflect on what her whole fiasco means to me. Because “trust me,” it means a whole lot. Continue reading “Is it safe yet for a Paula Deen post?”