Bad Product, Bad Review: Nivea Express Hydration Gel

Nivea Liquid Blue Stuff from the XtopherJacques Personal Collection, Faith No More 2010 reunion show postcard courtesy of The Mann Center, illustrated by Alex Fine.

Nivea Express Hydration Freshening Gel. It’s for normal-to-dry skin. If you can fucking believe this, this goop supposedly has a Hydra IQ (how high that IQ is might just be one of mankind’s greater mysteries) that hits your skin like a hammer made of silk and cream for a non-stop 24 hours.