Why Am I Still on Facebook?

Whoa, pal. First off, if that’s such a bother, just collapse your top hat, put your monocle away for a moment, and just have a hearty guffaw at all the plebians pumping their own gas while you go to a full-service joint and have the house boy fetch you a mint julep while the grease monkeys tend to your Aston Martin.

Secondly…There’s a storm coming, Mr. Wayne. You and your friends better batten down the hatches, because when it hits, you’re all gonna wonder how you ever thought you could live so large and leave so little for the rest of us.

Finally, you use Facebook like everyone does: brag about your achievements, show people your food, hit on people from high school because you can’t grow up enough to unplug. Oh, and of course, the biggest reason: make sure everyone you know knows that you’re OK with gay people.

Seriously, I understand quibbles with this or that feature, but if you don’t like a thing, don’t do it. I’m pretty sure that’s one of the quickest ways to happiness. Trust me on this: I don’t do that at all, and I’m miserable.

All the love,



I wrestle with this question almost daily — in fact, every time I use the service. There are experiences in this life that I truly dread. Putting gas in my car, for example, is about as inconvenient of an experience as it gets. Facebook is quickly becoming one of those experiences — specifically, checking Facebook.

I wrote an article a few weeks ago in which I outlined where the real value of Twitter lies. Today I want to focus on Facebook, which I have been highly critical of in past columns.

What Is Facebook Good for?

This is the ultimate question. Or, if we were to look at it a different way: What is the job that I am hiring Facebook to do?

The answer is that I hire Facebook to help me stay in touch with friends and family. That is Facebook’s job; that is why I use…

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About xtopherjacques

I'm an unreliable narrator, which is supposed to be the fun of it. I'd imagine it's a lot more fun to be led off a cliff if it feels like a circus until it happens. Oh, I'm an average guy; I respirate and dream. Here, I'll talk a lot about both. There will likely be too much talk about bodily fluids of varying viscosities for one's liking, but I refuse to change that until it bores me. Thankfully, I also have healthy obsessions with foods (it might get weird), body washes and obscure media. I also talk a lot about my house being haunted and possessed, neither being true. All of those things should keep this all interesting enough. I sure hope so.

Posted on 06/11/2013, in The Little Things That Will Eat My Sanity, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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