My Amazon Review for the 5th Season of The Big Bang Theory

Just to be clear, I am not a fan of this show. I’m not a fan of these people, and if real people act the way people do in The Big Bang Theory they should commit seppuku out of a sense of divine duty to the remainder of the human race. I find it repulsive, annoying to the nth that this kind of thing is a smash hit that people either excitedly wait or waste valuable DVR space to see. Anything with a laugh track needs to brush up on going the way of the Dodo, but as such a feat can’t really happen, I just decided to write up a review the 5th Season of the program. Friends, Romans, Countrymen…you guys have to cut out this fake nerd shit. Tons of people are awkward and weird, so let’s not get disciples of the church of Kevin Smith to come along and pretend that this show is relevant, witty, enjoyable or cool in any way.


Image courtesy of Harry StylesMad, submitted to

With that, here’s my review for The Big Bang Theory, Season 5:


“We all get it. After so many years of the “nerds” being wedgied, dunked in toilets, mugged for lunch money and overlooked by the hot girls in favor of the muscleheads and drug dealers, The Big Bang Theory finally poo-poos in the face of all of that and shows us that, “hey!,” these brainiacs deserve a second chance to find sweet love, all while saying things that no one would ever say in ways that no one would ever speak.

This is, apparently, one of the most popular shows on major network television, and that alone should be telling of the fact that it aims real high for the lowest common denominator. Not a single character is likeable, the formulaic blueprint couldn’t be any more appalling,
and I’m pretty sure that the creator is the same creep who made the wafer-thin Two & A Half Men. Basically, that means “skip the hell out of this.”

And then here, we have the complete fifth season. So, if you didn’t blow your brains out after the first four, the Bazinga crew have been gracious enough to offer the viewer another chance.

Buy this if you want to lose friends or think that your 18 daily hours of level-grinding on World of
Warcraft is a worthwhile endeavor. If your situation deviates in any way, just cultivate a personality and spend the cash you would’ve spent on this on a package of condoms, a bottle of cheap booze with a mixer, and some GHB instead. Honestly, going to prison for rape is better than watching this show. Scout’s honor.

5th Season, just like all the others: .5/5 stars. Treat yourself with dignity and buy top-of-the-line ingredients to make yourself an amazing dinner.”

All the love (except for this show, which gets all the hate I once reserved for a film called The Banger Sisters, a film so horrendous I actually shot my television…with vomit),


P.S. – If you watch this show and enjoy it, please continue to do so. I don’t want to take the joy away from your life, nor do I want to jeopardize my ability to avoid waiting in a line at the grocery store while this lump of fecal coal is slowly becoming a shit diamond.

P.P.S. – And the film Martyrs needs to be remade with that “Bazinga!” idiot as the only cast member…you know, except for the people who torture and flay him while he’s still alive. The only addition to the script would be the introduction of highly corrosive liquid being slathered upon this gangly idiot’s frame.

By the way, if you want to see what these people like to say about a guy who pisses in their Holy Grail, go check out their nerd-rage. It’s almost painful to see how much more prejudicial and cruel they are than the people about who they offer forth tales of subjugation, bullying, exclusion and abuse.

And P.P.P.S – If you see this, or you read my blog and think that maybe the things I’m into are endeavors worth sponsoring, take a second to peruse my Amazon Wishlist. If you feel so inclined, I’d love to get a thing, and I don’t ever want to take your money directly for my writing. It’s not what any of this is about, really. But gifts? Oh, I’ll take a gift and thank you twice for it! 🙂


Author: xtopherjacques

I'm an unreliable narrator, which is supposed to be the fun of it. I'd imagine it's a lot more fun to be led off a cliff if it feels like a circus until it happens. Oh, I'm an average guy; I respirate and dream. Here, I'll talk a lot about both. There will likely be too much talk about bodily fluids of varying viscosities for one's liking, but I refuse to change that until I'm served legal documents. Thankfully (for all of us), I also have healthy obsessions with foods (it might get weird), body washes and obscure media. I also talk a lot about my house being haunted and possessed, neither being true. All of those things should keep this all interesting enough. I sure hope so.

3 thoughts on “My Amazon Review for the 5th Season of The Big Bang Theory”

  1. I personally love the Big Bang Theory and think Sheldon is massively entertaining. He’s also entertaining in that way that my 9 year old thinks he’s the funniest man on television so I can definitely agree with your lowest common denominator point. I also love that nerds fail to realize that show has gone from laughing with them to laughing at them after the first season.
    That being said, “nerds and geeks” are the single most elitist and closed minded group of people to walk the earth. (Note: It’s even worse with “nerd girls” talking about who is a real nerd girl or not.) Honestly, it’s really not that hard to figure out why these people end up feeling like social pariahs when interacting with someone who isn’t one of their two friends.

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