I’m pretty sure Gina Lynn has a command of the English language. This is not proof of that command.


I adore this kind of Internet junk. 3 Most Hot Tips which, naturally, all of you women crave! Within this blog entry from what is most certainly the one and only authentic, professional blog of adult film star and saint-in-waiting Gina Lynn, I found a spectrum of treats previously visible only to certain students at Prof. Charles Xavier’s Westchester School for Gifted Youngsters. Included: many errors, the text of a robot’s virus dream, links that are lies, and at least SIX tips, none of which are completely coherent.

One of my favorite, and amongst the most clinical terms I’ve ever seen used in regards to the forbidden dance of love (even though almost everyone tries at least once…can’t be that forbidden!) has to be in “Six: Go Out on Dates,” which reads, “Attempt new factors with each other and chat to every other.” Pure fucking gold.

Now, I don’t think I’ve made it a big secret that the broadest influence on my writing is the ultra-creative manner in which the English language is used by people who speak or write English as a second, third, or 56th language. But from the extensive, painstaking research I’ve done on Ms. Gina Lynn over the years & years &years, I’ve come to the conclusion that most of the bios on her are correct, and she’s just some gal from New Jersey. So, based on this blog..either Gina Lynn is functionally retarded (to quote Dave Attell, “but them titties ain’t retarded!”), she needs to enter the offices at the Gina Lynn Towers and take a torch and some scorpions to her writing team, or she has to buck up, swallow the load and fire Borat immediately. We all liked Borat, but perhaps his time has finally drawn nigh.

Oh, and that name: bone33mosque. When I see that nom de plume (of course, that’s a speculative assumption, but I feel the likelihood is strong, because how could that name be anything but a nom de plume? In what world?), I think of an undersexed, overstimulated 33-year-old Muslim gentleman, living in a ramshackle corridor beneath a dilapidated tenement that sits close enough to a coffee shop with free wi-fi for him to leech. He’s vaguely conflicted, lost in a moral & spiritual miasma, desperate for the affection of a chesty American blonde -while- lamenting the distance he feels from his faith in these cold, modern times.

Also, I do imagine of a mosque made of bones, which would be terrifying. Any place of worship built out of bones is terrifying, but when I add my less-than-educated concept of the teachings of Islam to that idea of bonehouses, my personal feelings of horror are amplified tenfold. And I love that, too! Magic is where you find it, and every time I see this post, I feel like Mickey Mouse with The Sorcerer’s cap. Plainly put, this adventure was a treasure chest, or this arcane elemental power was a lexicon to the joys of the earth…all that, even while being a complete pile of shit. Amazing.

Hope you folks out there in the faceless Internet enjoy this thing as much as I did…or, if not, may you at least enjoy something in this world as much I loved this blog!

All the Love,



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About xtopherjacques

I'm an unreliable narrator, which is supposed to be the fun of it. I'd imagine it's a lot more fun to be led off a cliff if it feels like a circus until it happens. Oh, I'm an average guy; I respirate and dream. Here, I'll talk a lot about both. There will likely be too much talk about bodily fluids of varying viscosities for one's liking, but I refuse to change that until it bores me. Thankfully, I also have healthy obsessions with foods (it might get weird), body washes and obscure media. I also talk a lot about my house being haunted and possessed, neither being true. All of those things should keep this all interesting enough. I sure hope so.

Posted on 03/12/2013, in Fun Stuff!, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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